Feeling Lost in Midlife? How to Find Happiness Before Your Next Step (Encore) | #233

What if the reason you feel unfulfilled isn’t your job, your relationship, or your circumstances?

In this powerful re-released episode of the Second Act Success Podcast, Shannon Russell sits down with happiness mentor Karyn Seitz, founder of the Happy Wife School, for a deep conversation about why so many women feel empty and dissatisfied even after “doing everything right.”

Karyn works with women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who have successful lives on paper but still feel like something is missing. In this episode, she breaks down the truth about the pursuit of happiness, why external success never lasts, and how true fulfillment comes from within.

If you’re considering a second act, a career change, or questioning what’s next in midlife, this episode will help you slow down, look inward, and make decisions from clarity rather than desperation.

This is a must-listen conversation about self-worth, happiness, identity, and creating a life that actually feels good to live.

Key Takeaways:

• Why checking all the boxes still leaves so many women feeling unfulfilled
• The difference between pursuing happiness and actually being happy
• Why careers, relationships, money, and achievements can’t create lasting fulfillment
• How happiness comes from who you are, not what you do or have
• Why slowing down before a career or life change leads to better decisions
• How to navigate toxic work environments without giving your power away
• A new way to define work as a place for growth and self-actualization

*Get the full show notes here!

Leave a review for the Second Act Success Podcast here.

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Transcript

Second Act Success Podcast

Season 1 - Feeling Lost in Midlife? How to Find Happiness Before Your Next Step | #233

Episode - #233

Host: Shannon Russell

Guest: Karyn Seitz

Transcription (*created by Descript and may not be perfectly accurate)

Shannon: [00:00:00] Today I have a special expert just for you. Karyn Seitz is a Happiness Mentor. She is an expert on all things, happiness and has so much value to add. If you were thinking about starting over in any aspect of your life. Let's get right to it. 

Shannon Russell: All right. I'm here with Karyn Seitz. Karyn, welcome to Second Act Success.

Karyn Seitz: Thank you very much for having me, Shannon. It's really good to be here.

Shannon Russell: You are a happiness mentor. How did you get into the field of working with people to bring about happiness?

Karyn Seitz: Well, I primarily work with women in their thirties, forties, fifties, who have a great life on paper. They've checked all the boxes of what they thought would make them happy, make them fulfilled, bring them meaning and purpose in their lives. Yet they find themselves still feeling unfulfilled and like something is missing. Or waking up one day thinking how did I get here? And is this what it's gonna be? 

Shannon: [00:01:00] 1000%. I think we can all relate to that at one point or another. Don't you think? 

Karyn Seitz: When I was 31, I had a 30 something crisis and I had been working on myself. Through therapy through yoga, through meditation. And I even became a yoga teacher, I became a spiritual healer. I had a healing practice. People were coming to me for their answers and to guide them in life yet on the inside. I felt like I was spinning around in circles and I had. given myself the burden of having to keep up this facade that I had it all put together, because look at what I'm doing. I'm helping all these people. I'm helping people heal so I better make it look like I'm okay. On the outside. And I very much. Thought, oh my gosh, I'm always gonna have to pretend that I'm okay. When on the inside I feel like I'm falling apart and that was my 31 something midlife crisis.

And I was very, lucky and fortunate to [00:02:00] meet my now mentors, I actually work for my mentor, in his organization of everything that he's taught me that now I get to take out into the world as Karyn and teach others. And that was a turning point for me 

Shannon: what did he teach you? Exactly? 

Karyn Seitz: he taught me two very important things along with his partner. Peggy number one, my answers are in me, not in the books, not in other people, telling me what to do with my life. And number two. That I am the problem it's not, my job. It's not my past. It's not my upbringing. It's not my parents. It's not anything else that it's me and my own choices and decisions that have created the very life I have and how I feel, which is a good thing because. Then I am empowered to be the solution. So I scrapped everything I was doing. And I started to teach what I was learning and building a relationship with myself and learning what happiness actually is and how [00:03:00] to be happy, which is led me to where I am today, about eight or nine years later, as the happiness mentor.

Shannon Russell: I'm so sorry that you went through. Such a tough time and we're struggling so much, but wow. To have met these mentors that really kind of changed the trajectory of your life was such a miracle, right?

Karyn Seitz: It was, and, I'm so grateful for everything I went through because being able to learn and grow and understand that that was my journey in life. If I hadn't taken that journey, I never would have learned these life changing concepts to be happy. So I'm very grateful, very, very grateful for my journey.

Shannon Russell: What exactly does a happiness mentor do day to day?

Karyn Seitz: I work with people within a structured program. So what I do is very different than a therapist, even very different than a, a coach. I really teach people, concepts that they are able to take and [00:04:00] apply in their lives. To really connect with who they are and learn how to be happy. How do we get there? What's a roadmap because the one thing that all 8 billion people on this planet continue to search for. His happiness we search for it in all the wrong places and outside of us. And we don't actually understand what happiness is, how to cultivate it. And we often will try to learn happiness from people who are not happy. So I'm teaching my students and teaching the people that I work with that very roadmap and giving them the tools and teaching them how to apply the tools in their life 

Shannon Russell: why do you think so many people feel unfulfilled in life and in their careers, especially.

Karyn Seitz: the pursuit of happiness is why we are so unfulfilled. I think what's most important in the first place to start is actually having a working definition of unhappy. How I define being unhappy [00:05:00] is I always want what I don't have, and how I define what it is to be happy is I only want to be me. I only want the life I have. 

No one and no thing can make you happy. The problem with the pursuit of happiness. And it's so ingrained in us as humans, that we can't even see it when we're in it is we're constantly. creating relationships, experiences, accomplishments in our lives. Thinking that those things will make us happy it's so ingrained in everything we do. 

And I can speak from my own experience. I was determined that going away to college out of state would make me happy. , I actually came back after my freshman year, after doing very poorly in school because the only reason I wanted to go away to school was to party and be away from my parents. Then I moved to Denver thinking that would make me happy. And then I got in relationships thinking those relationships would make me happy. And then I went back to [00:06:00] college and finished my degree, thinking that would make me fulfilled and that would bring me meaning and purpose. Then I started a business. Getting married, and I could go on and on and on. Of all the things we do in our pursuit of happiness, everything that we go to check the box, thinking, this will fulfill me, this will give me the meaning and purpose. This will fill in this part of the pie. And I will finally feel whole finally be okay and we get it and it might make us feel that way for a little bit, but then it's like, we are a bucket with holes in it and it leaks right. And then we think, okay, what else? That's always coming from that place of, I always want what I don't have, which is actually our experience of being unhappy because we're looking for the fulfillment. We're looking for the meaning and purpose to come to us from our external world. And it can't. It's short lived. So that's why we feel unfulfilled. And we actually have to learn to find our [00:07:00] meaning and purpose in who we are independent. Of anything external, being liked, fitting in any of it. We have to find our meaning and purpose in who we are, not what we do, not what we acquire, not the relationships, but in who we are so that we value ourselves. And that's where we come to a place where I only wanna be me. And I only want the life. We have, we feel a sense of fulfillment and it can never be taken away from us because it's coming from within.

Shannon Russell: Whew, you just broke it down to really explain the, the two meanings. What I'm taking from you is that if we're not. Happy with ourselves inside that nothing will make us happy, but once we're happy with inside that other things, yeah. They can come along and be really great too, or they can go away. You're not always looking for the bigger house because you're happy with the house [00:08:00] that you have. I guess we couldn't say it about careers too. If you're happy with yourself and you're happy with your surroundings, you're not looking for something else because it's, your happiness is internal, 

Karyn Seitz: What you said was spot on and what you got from it. If I'm not happy in me, if we're not happy in ourselves, nothing. Will make you happy, nothing. it isn't that we might not want to change careers, or we might want to have a different house using those as examples that you said. It's coming from a conscious choice that I want to get this house, or I want to make this career change. Not because of what I think it will give to me because it can't, that's an illusion. It will give me nothing. In fact, if I do that and I'm unhappy, it will then be the very thing. I blame my unhappiness.

Shannon Russell: yep. Mmm.

Karyn Seitz: But it's coming from a place of a conscious choice of, I want this experience to get to know myself and [00:09:00] to grow and learn about who I am and to grow and learn about life. It actually comes from a place of self actualization. We can look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as a wonderful roadmap of how to be happy. Of course starts with food shelter. and there are other things in there and at the pinnacle of the human experience and the pinnacle of our Hierarchy of Needs is self-actualization.

Shannon Russell: Mm.

Karyn Seitz: And how we do that is we make conscious choices, not for what it's gonna give us. But I want this experience of me. I wanna grow and learn in this way, and I know it's not gonna be. Unicorns kittens and rose petals the whole way there's gonna be ups and downs. And I want that because I want to know myself in this context, I want to grow and learn in this way. It's who do I wanna be? And what do I wanna create in my life to actually grow and learn?

Shannon Russell: So if, listeners are listening and they're thinking about starting a second act, [00:10:00] switching careers, following a passion, maybe they wanna write a book or start playing the guitar. Should they first look inside at their authentic self to know I'm already happy. Now I want to do this to better myself and not do it in a place of all right. if I play the guitar, I'm going to be this person I've always wanted to be.

Karyn Seitz: Before you make a second act, before you make a leap into something. You need to work on yourself to get to know who you are, and you need to understand the motivation of why you've chosen the things in your life, how you've created yourself to be unhappy in the experience of your life. Not what's happened to you. The career didn't make me happy. The degree didn't make me happy. The marriage didn't make me happy or, or substitute didn't give me meaning and purpose. Didn't bring me fulfillment. And what we have to do Shannon is we have to see who's the [00:11:00] common. Denominator all those experiences so that we can reflect on ourselves, not in a way to beat ourselves up, but actually a way to grow and learn and not fall in the same trap again. And see, what is it about me and how I'm showing up or the choices and decisions that I've made or who I am being in this that I'm not fulfilled then we can start to make that leap to start to grow and learn and find and build our happiness from within

Shannon Russell: Thinking of my listeners, if someone is ready to jump ship, start a second act. And they're now listening to your advice and saying, whoa, well, maybe it is something that I have to turn inward to examine. What would you suggest, would you suggest sticking it out a little bit longer, doing the work on yourself before you make that leap? Is that what you're saying?

Karyn Seitz: I would slow down because you are the only one you have any control over to change. [00:12:00] As long as we think it's the job or our upbringing or our spouse or anything, outside of us. We make ourselves powerless and give our control away to our external world. And then we are unable to change. We'll make that big change. And then we'll find ourselves in the exact same spot internally. So my suggestion is just slow way down. And work on yourself. Shine a light on the parts you have not wanted to look at, from that place of getting to know yourself and feeling good about who you are on the inside. That one of two things will happen. The very job that you hated or the relationship you hated or whatever experience it is, it totally changes.

Shannon Russell: Mm-hmm 

Karyn Seitz: and it hasn't changed. You've changed. So your experience of it is different now, instead of from a place of not feeling good about yourself or feeling that emptiness and void in you, you're experiencing it from a place of feeling [00:13:00] good about who you are and valuing yourself.

it's a totally different experience. And all you had to do was work on you. And from there, you can make a decision of, okay, what is it that I actually want?

Shannon Russell: These are excellent tools. And I work with my clients who are looking to switch careers and I often find they're just so ready to do it. They're ready to do it. I often just tell them to take a beat to research first, everyone wants to go in. To the office and just say, I quit and make the big spectacle, but there's things you can do to work on before that big moment I think you're bringing up such excellent tools be confident in your decision because these are big decisions, life changing decisions, getting married, changing a job, having children moving. Those are all big situations that we do in the hopes of happiness. So as long as we are looking inside ourselves to know that we're happy right now, that'll give us confidence to be happy in that next chapter. If we do take [00:14:00] that leap, wouldn't you say? 

Karyn Seitz: I frame it as it's a simple lifestyle change. It doesn't have to be hard. Just like we decide we wanna get in shape where we decide we wanna eat well for our bodies. It's our own humanness and our own stubbornness. That makes it hard. 

Shannon Russell: How do we know if we are happy?

Karyn Seitz: When we feel good about who we are on the inside, not because of what we get back in return from our outside world, but just independent of that. I feel good about who I am and I only wanna be me. I only want the life that I have And at the foundation of that is a groundedness in yourself where you don't feel anything is lacking. even if you lost your job, or you go through a divorce you still know you are okay. And that you still wanna be you and you still want the life you have, and you're gonna persevere through those experiences and build resilience and get to know who you are.

Shannon Russell: Karen. I could [00:15:00] just cry right now because this is so. Eye opening and it's, um, I feel like I'm in therapy right now. Just talking with you cuz it's just, I, I have to say that going through the questions, I am happy. I am happy with myself and I've always said that if everything fell to the wayside, I'm so happy with where I am and I'm blessed and grateful for my family. That really is all that matters. and not everyone feels that way. it's definitely a challenge. You want everyone to kind of do those little tweaks and take your advice and really start to look inward? It's nice to be in that place where you are grateful and feeling settled, settled in who you are settled in your own skin. Such amazing, impactful advice. Um, I just love it so much. 

How do you define work and why do you define it that way?

Karyn Seitz: This is one of my favorite things to teach. I've worked with a lot of professional women and I'm even working with a team right now for a prominent, interior design firm here in [00:16:00] Denver. And how I define work work is a place to get to know yourself. And to feel good about yourself. The reason that I define it that way is really wrapped up in everything we've been talking about in happiness. If I make work about success, if I make work about the accolades or the letters I want behind my. If I make work about the money I'm gonna make. Then there I am in the pursuit of happiness and I'm actually unhappy. work can't give us purpose. That has to come from within us. We can use work as a vehicle. To find that meaning and purpose in ourselves by using work as a place where we make choices and decisions to push ourselves. To grow and learn to challenge ourselves, to get outside of our comfort zone, not for what we are gonna get in return, that's where we find our meaning and purpose in who we are. We [00:17:00] define it any other way to get something out of it that we think it can give us like purpose or meaning. Then we will find ourselves in that trap of being unhappy thinking. Work was gonna be the thing to fill us. 

Our purpose as humans is to understand who we are and to live our life in a way and make choices and decisions in our life that make us feel good about who we are. If we live life in that way. We will have no regrets on our deathbed and we will look back knowing we did the best that we could having no regrets and feeling very rewarded and fulfilled with the lives that we led.

Shannon Russell: So well said so well said, and it, it comes back to what we discussed a little while ago, too, about. thinking about your internal happiness before going to that other job, because like you said, it's a place to grow and work on yourself and, and that's so true. If you're happy, then really you can plop me down in any role. And it's a learning opportunity.

Karyn Seitz: It is. That's where I get [00:18:00] to know who I am, because I'm in an environment that plays to my strengths. And really allows me to find the opportunities that will push me to really get to know, oh, this is me. I am really good at this. Look at what it's showing me about myself. in what we're talking about. Yes. You could get any old job and use it as a place to grow and learn about yourself and to feel good about who you are. But what I have found in the journey of being happy is so rewarding is really getting to know yourself. What your strengths and natural talents are, and then finding the work environments, finding the career opportunities that are gonna allow you to really grow yourself and actualize in those gifts and talents you have.

Shannon Russell: I wanna play devil's advocate because I don't want to assume that everyone. Can stay in an unhappy work environment and work on themselves. So if there are listeners out there that [00:19:00] feel like they are just in a really toxic work environment, should they continue to work on themselves and what would your advice be? I guess if it seems like they're in an environment that's a little toxic and they want to escape it?

Karyn Seitz: of course. have a good example of this. Shannon. I have a friend, she is legitimately in a toxic work environment with, a corporate culture that the bottom line is money. And there is no focus on the people, which is not uncommon. she is doing the work on herself and has reflected to know she personally is not ready yet to take that leap. But she's being honest with herself about the environment that she is in and I believe last time we talked or that she shared about where she is at in her job is that she, at the end of the year, Is ready to make that leap. So she has an end date and she's working on herself to that place. Here's how we [00:20:00] navigate the toxic workplace. If we decide I'm not ready yet, it's not a good time for me to change careers. There are things, other things that are a priority that I need this right now. Is then what she has had to do so that she's not a victim to the toxic work environment and not blaming the work environment for doing something to her or making her unhappy, because then she can't change is she has had to take responsibility. It is my choice to be here. No one is making me be here. I know the environment. I am. I know the dynamics and where I'm at for myself and having done the reflective work. I'm not ready to make that leap yet. So I know I'm the one choosing to be here. No one is making me be here. So how can I learn and grow about myself here? How can I navigate the toxicity use it as a way to strengthen myself to become strong in myself. So [00:21:00] again, then she's not a victim. And that's a personal choice we have to make and be honest, and be working on ourselves and decide what's best for us and where we are at and what else is going on in my life. And then take responsibility for whatever choice you make.

Shannon Russell: right. Make yourself as happy as you can, then maybe if silences some of that toxicity, because yeah, if you need that paycheck and you need The benefits. There's just so many reasons. That's such a great example.

 Tell me about your business and , how you work with clients. And I know you have a course as well. 

Karyn Seitz: I do. My main course is for women in that place of. Midlife crisis of questioning themselves of feeling like, oh my gosh, I've created all this. And I still feel, I don't know who I am. I'm still unfulfilled. And it's called Awakened Grace. it's a happiness course for women to teach them how to connect with themselves and how to make the lifestyle change, to be happy. When we're in that unfulfilled place, we [00:22:00] often feel lost. We feel empty or shut down. we can live in a perfectionist persona trying to do everything right. We can feel very overwhelmed. And through that program, they make an internal shift where by the end of the program, that's not the experience anymore. And then I teach them a roadmap within that. To make the lifestyle change to be happy, cuz that doesn't happen in a 10 week program. It takes commitment and following through, we don't talk about your past. We don't talk about where you came from because it's irrelevant.

Shannon Russell: Right.

Karyn Seitz: When we're working from an angle of taking responsibility for ourselves, that I am where I am today, based upon the choices and decisions I have made. There's no need to get into the details of life. There's no need to get into the past. So I really, help my clients to learn how to be accountable to themselves, to be committed and to apply what their learning in the course to [00:23:00] their lives. So that they can change and feel good about who they are. 

Shannon Russell: How special is it to you to see your students come out on the other side and find their happy 

Karyn Seitz: It is one of the most wonderful experiences. be able to see and for them to be able to see where they are when they started. So everybody has that shift. And then at the end, my students are in tears and they're often saying, oh my gosh, I'm so sad for that woman. So to be able to be a part of that and to empower them, to make that change for themselves. And to see how much freer they are and how good they feel about themselves. And to know they're equipped now to make the lifestyle change, to be happy for the rest of their lives is an incredible gift. And one that I'm, I, uh, cherish very much.

Shannon Russell: I can see the happiness on your face, cuz it's gotta be just so rewarding and just such a wonderful job to wake up to [00:24:00] and to go and, and be this, this teacher, this mentor every day.

 thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom, all of your expertise. And I think this is going to just really help our listeners kind of look inwards, find their happiness and be able to move on in a better place. So thank you so much.

Karyn Seitz: Thank you so much for having me. It was wonderful to be here and to share.

Shannon: you heard it here? My friend. Happiness is what over 8 billion of us are living our lives, searching for every day. As Karen pointed out too often, we search in the wrong places for our joy. When we should really be spending time looking on the inside, let this be a reminder to take time alone with yourself, whether it's through journaling, meditating, or just taking a moment with your own thoughts. Getting to know ourselves is the best way to find our steps towards happiness. 

Speaker: Thank you for joining us. I hope you found some gems of inspiration and some takeaways to help you on your path to second act, success. To view show notes [00:25:00] from this episode, visit second act success.co. Before you go, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss a single episode. Reviews only take a few moments and they really do mean so much.

Thank you again for listening. I'm Shannon Russell. And this is second act success.